Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
