please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
