I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
