Christians are straight up FREAKS
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to be your penis for a week.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
