I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
