My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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