So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
