come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
