You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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