im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
