Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
