Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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