that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
