Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
