I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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