the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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