Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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