My liver just broke up with me...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
