there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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