I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
