this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize