So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
