Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
