She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
