I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
