is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
