The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
