ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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