you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
