Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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