i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
