you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
