I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
