I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
