The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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