Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
