threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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