i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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