i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
