oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
