It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize