he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
