So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
