Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
