Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
