My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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