the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
