I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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