we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
