Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
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