I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
