That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize