if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
