I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
