Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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