Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
