I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
