My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
