He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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