is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
