I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Four minutes until I can fart!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
