My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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