Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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