Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize