Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
false alarm. still invincible.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
