Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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