The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Congratulations! We have a period
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