woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
