it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
