There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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