I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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