yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
