Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
