so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
