I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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