God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
