Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
