ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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