Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
