I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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