Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
