But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Send help, water and tortillas.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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