I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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