I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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