Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
