I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
