i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
