There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
