Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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