this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
