i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
