i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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