I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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