I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
