Pappa wants mamma naked
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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