You can't motorboat a personality
My Higher Power is John Stamos
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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