Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize