I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
