guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize