porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
