Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
