So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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