Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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