just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize