I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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