Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
