I want to have your abortion
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
