Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
