Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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