I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What a dumb baby whore.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize