C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
